So a friend of mine posted a blog entry around this topic and since I've been exceedingly angry about things lately, I decided to take it and run with it. Forgive me if it sounds a tad (ton) bitter and pissy, but there are a lot of things that I haven't been able to "my life is so great I have no reason to be upset about this" myself out of. Brace yourself, this is gonna be grrreeat.
Wouldn't it be great if...
-people who have been married for almost 38 years could wake the fuck up and solve their own problems?
-adults could actually talk to each other and possibly discuss things that have been bothering them?
-adult men who have been waited on hand and foot by their doormat housewives for their entire marriage would, in the event that the doormat housewife becomes ill, actually stick around and care for her?
I have so much more to bitch about, but I just can't right now. It's hard enough to get this out. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to help but anytime I get close to helping I get so fucking incensed that I turn into superbitch, and no one wants to be near me. I have spent a lot of time over the past few weeks grasping my husband for dear life because I'm so goddamned lucky to have the man that he is. And I can't talk to anyone about this because my husband doesn't know how to handle me when I get this way, my mom is fucking unhinged and my dad won't talk to anyone. I can't tell my kids what's going on because they won't understand it, and I feel guilty that I haven't taken the kids to see my dad since he left but I don't want to see him. Oh, and there's the fact that none of us know where he is. My mom has been coming to me for advice and I can't handle it anymore. I honestly feel like I'm 10 years old and my parents' divorce is my fault. Except I'm an adult and I'm perfectly aware that it isn't, so I'm not only feeling shitty about their situation but I'm feeling shitty about not wanting to have any part of it. I'm fucking angry. Incensed. Pissed off. At both of them. One of them is doing a great job of making the other seem like the bad guy, but the worst part about it is that I can see how they're both at fault and how they aren't willing to either see that or do anything about it.
I have learned that I'm actually really good at the whole psychological analysis thing. I've learned a lot about myself, my family, and why I am who I am through this. The worst thing is, that despite knowing why, I don't like myself or my family any more for it.
So this is my therapy. For now. I'm just going to vent to the interwebs and put all my vile inner shit out there. Until I figure out a better solution, I guess.